It’s no big deal…I mean, it’s not something anyone thinks about. It’s an invisible war. There’s nobody to blame.
I wish doing artistic things helped more, because I like ‘doing art’ and stuff, but more often than not, it’s pretty rare when anyone bothers to look at or listen to anything I do. I’m usually doing it wrong anyway, so it is what it is. It’s really not worth bothering other people about, so I don’t usually do anything anymore. I used to want to be a musician and play on stage to entertain people, but now I believe that I just either had delusions of grandeur or I maybe wanted attention. Whichever.
I would still like to write and record songs, maybe to put in my games, but most of them are stupid and I wouldn’t ask anyone to sit and listen to them.
I can’t remember the last time I played my guitars, but it must have been over two or three years ago. It seems like such a waste of time these days because frankly, nobody is interested in hearing it and if I’m having trouble at work (when I am employed), I just get criticism about why I’m not spending all of my free time boot-camping myself to learn more about my job.
It’s also why I haven’t been working on my GameDev classes for about a year. I try to enjoy it, but it’s difficult sometimes.
I tried to be a React Native/JavaScript developer at my last job, but my boss wouldn’t really help me with the support I needed. I wasn’t taught any best practices. We never worked on any project together, and I was expected to perform as a Senior, despite having only about 6 months of experience with JS and React combined. There was no mentoring at all. I was expected to go figure out everything myself and use all of my free time to do it.
So under those conditions, playing music, painting, and working on things that I really enjoy have become a complete waste of time when I should be doing other things, but he had no problem having me sign a paper stating he had claims to all of my artwork, videos, paintings, and music. What’s worse, he wasn’t the least bit interested in my paintings, videos, artwork, and music…just any money that I might accidentally make on the side should be his to claim, I guess.
That’s a start-up for you. No guidance at all, but claims to any money that you might make in your free time.
I deleted my LinkedIn, SoundCloud, and FB accounts yesterday. I hadn’t used FB in I don’t know how long. No loss there. Same with SoundCloud. I had been trying to use LinkedIn for some sort of validation that I’m a person, but nobody ever really responded to anything I posted unless they were trying to sell me something. For what ever reason, I had about 98 followers or so, but I don’t know any of them. Nothing I posted about got any ‘likes’ at all. No big loss. I don’t know why people bothered ‘following’ me.
I like the community here. This is the only social media that I really appreciate. I don’t use anything else anymore. Even Discord gets on my nerves, but specifically, I don’t spend much time in GameDev Discord. I’ve posted there a couple of times, but I’m still not comfortable there.
I’ve asked questions in other Discord servers like ZTM (some other classes I take) or TryHackMe, but a lot of people are jerks and I only go to those places to ask the occasional question. Once in a while I get a useful response, but many people are jack-asses or smart-asses so I don’t bother unless I’m really stuck on something.
I don’t mind the response in French. It was fun to look up, and thank you for playing along. Most of the time I just do that to shut people up, as folks are not often capable of Googling a simple phrase. It’s usually enough to make people go away…but seriously, I don’t mind. I truly appreciate when someone takes the time to write a well-written response in any language. I’ll work to translate it.
I’m not really good enough to do things that I really want to do, and I’ve been ‘trained’, for lack of a better word, that those things are a waste of time. I haven’t felt like myself in years and I don’t know who I am anymore.
On Sunday, I just wanted to play for a little while…just to try and have a little fun and see if maybe I could…I don’t know…try to do a little better at something I guess.
Anyway, I should go fill out some applications. My mortgage is due in a few days and I don’t have a job yet. I should be doing more productive things than whining on GameDev, but it is what it is.
Thank you for being well-written. It means a lot.