I just wanted to say that as someone with a mental illness I’ve been working toward living a normal life. I have always had big dreams of making games, music, and web development. The last 10 years have just been coping and progressing little by little to try to get back to some form of normalcy. 10 years is a long time, and I haven’t been developing resources for myself through most of it save for the past year and a half. I started a job to make some of my own money even though they told me that I would probably never be able to function in a low level work environment or socialize normally. Well, they were wrong. I’m glad they were but I feel driven to take the time I have left while I’m heading towards middle age and do something that I can be proud of.
I’ve also got relationship goals now. I have someone that I’m interested in but they live in Canada. It is definitely a big motivation for me to really make a financial impact in my life so that I have the resources I need to be with this person for the rest of my life. When I was untreated and undiagnosed I never really wanted anything out of this society. Nothing impressed me enough, in fact, it mostly repulsed me. Everything I saw that was popular wasn’t exciting to me it was just stupid and needless. I was very nihilistic as a young person and never really let myself enjoy anything. I would sit there and look at every little flaw, or I would simply hate something just because it was popular. As I am now I look at all these human experiences and I wish I enjoyed them before, though my mental state being what it was I was probably incapable to doing so.
The one thing that I have learned is that consistency is the key to developing a better life. I was hospitalized for my mental state in 2012, and that is where it all turned around because they treated me with medication and therapy consistently every day for over a month. I began to see that I could make an impact in my life, and losing my freedom made me appreciate all the different things I could take an interest in and enjoy.
It’s been 10 years. for 8 of those years I’ve been listening to the doctors as one should, but they never really empowered me to try and succeed. I was told to keep applying for disability and the lazy part of me liked the idea of free money, food, apartment and nothing but video games. I see now after having worked a retail job for nearly 2 years that life feels so much better when you have a purpose, and there’s work that you’re getting done, and a team that you’re contributing to.
I started making music last year, and it’s really helped me progress as a person. I’ve got 2 tracks singed to a label that are coming out soon, and I really hope I can make some kind of gain because I’ve but hundreds of dollars into my music projects. I’ve also written an article for a local newspaper. I blog, and I stream on twitch. I’ve also been doing DJ shows on stream. I novel I’m working on as well. I decided today, because I saw another course that I really wanted to take on sale at humble that I’m going to really try to get my hands dirty and learn Unity and Unreal 5 and try to produce something
After all that rambling let me tell you what my project is. I want to make a top down Zelda style, short but sweet, action RPG. My favorite Zelda game was always Link’s Awakening as a child. I want to make something similar with side scrolling platforming elements thrown in here and there. I also want to make sure the game is mostly gameplay. I don’t really like a lot of cutscenes and dialogue in games. With that in mind I also wanted to make an arcade mode that plays like Binding of Isaac, but with less of a focus on shooter style gameplay. I also want a stripped down version of the main game that lends itself well to the speedrunning community. Finally, I want to make a version of the campaign that is randomized because I notice there is a pretty big demand for randomizers of classic games and I think they’re a fun way to keep it all fresh.
If you made it this far thanks for taking the time to read all of this. I’ll try to post regularly. I’m still building myself up as a social person and I hope this will be the first time I’ve stuck to something and participated in a community. I’ll keep y’all posted as I learn and develop my project. Wish me luck and fortitude to stick this out, and keep learning and keep discussing this with all of you.