http://gamebucket.io/game/67beca43-ef84-46f3-a238-9c9ab4543fd1
Any feedback would be greatly appreciate
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Hi Alec,
I like the variation of the original story with your own, a nice unique story line, well done.
Some feedback as requested;
There are a lot of spelling/grammar mistakes, may seem petty but with your unique story line you will engross your readers/player more without these issues. There is a shift in tense (past/present also).
The intro text is quite lengthy and could do with breaking into paragraphs to make it easier to read.
Your keyboard options are case-sensitive, which meant I had to hit cap-lock in order to press F, might be nice to support your options in either case.
At the beginning, after choosing to look at the fire extinguisher, the test suggested I now had a way to break the window, that kind of gave away that that was the direction I should be heading in but before I had tried any of the other options.
The flow of the story, once I get momentum to break the window offers me choices of jumping out, or returning - returning takes me back to a sinking ship which seems a bit odd?
…and option to kill myself seemed a bit harsh, and ends the game play immediately.
Inspecting the ocean seems an odd option, again it’s only really wording, perhaps an option to swim around the yacht and look for useful debris?
I really like the idea of the island, and I would suggest this is something you could, if you wanted to, expand further.
My main criticisms (that sounds harsher than it is meant too) are really all focused around the text, the spelling/grammar, flitting between present and past tense. If you tweak/improve that this would be a much more readable/enjoyable experience.
Some other thoughts…
It wouldn’t be impossible to add a timer, based on your story line suggesting that I need to get out of the yacht as quickly as I can, the addition of a timer counting down for time sensitive aspects of your story could be really cool - give the user 30 seconds to decide on a course of action. If they fail, your adverse event happens (they drown or the yacht sinks or whatever), if they succeed then the timer stops counting down, maybe disappears.
Your island gives you a huge opportunity to expand on your story even further;
- is there anyone else on the island or am I alone?
- are there any materials I can find to salvage?
- what priorities should I have, fire, water, food, shelter?
The SOS was a nice touch also, it could perhaps be made a part of the island expansion, but you could add a further part of the story, who’s to say that the people passing by are going to be nice… what if they are pirates! Maybe I am forced to enter into a life of crime aboard their pirate ship until I can escape… maybe they come to the island to reclaim some buried treasure… maybe there’s a way for me to find and take the treasure (early on in the story but before the pirates arrive, which would give hint that something like that could happen)… maybe there’s a way for me to steal the pirates ship and escape with the treasure?
Some ideas for you - I hope this is of help - you have a really unique story line which is a great strength of your game. Well done.
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You’re amazing Rob
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